No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Eleanor Roosevelt
So it is extremely unusal for me to write two notes in one night (hell, sometimes I don't write two in one year.) These started out as my musings and flashes of brillance about everyday life that I wanted to share in my amusing mixture of snarky commentary and self-depracating humor. I'm not sure if this story is humorous. But it needs to be told.
I have struggled recently with a bad relationship. I know, surprise! Pam in an unhealthy relationship? With a man? Gasp! It is a long-standing joke in my family that much like Dillon in Charlie's Angels I have the uncanny ability to pick the bad guy. I somehow always fall head over heels for the one guy who is in the words of Jen Giddings "Bad News Bears." But this unhealthy relationship has grown unmanageable to the point were it is causing me to live in fear. I'm not sure where teasing becomes bullying becomes abuse. But the fact that I'm even musing about it tells me that it has gone too far.
This has a point. I promise.
As I sat in Cork today, enjoying St. Patty's Day with friends, Amanda began to frantically wave at me that we had to leave. Remember the creepy neighbor? Yeah, he was there. And asking about me. (If you don't know who he is it's a story for another time.) Faster then anyone expected a 299 lb woman to move, I signed my credit card, leaving in my wake several startled friends and co-workers, and tore through the door. Yet another embarassing awkward guy moment that I didn't want to face. As I drove away in my little Mini I berated myself the entire way. Because if I couldn't proudly and confidently navigate my way through that unwanted advance from creepy neighbor surrounded by loving friends, when would I be able to do it all?
And I forgot my cellphone. Balls.
I pulled a U-Turn on Flushing and speed back to downtown. I would not run again. I marched into Cork, head up and smile on my face. I embarrsingly explained the situation. The cellphone. The guy. They all made sympathetic noises and nodded their heads. Yes, they understood. We talked a while longer, new friends were met, and I eventually gave my regretful goodbye. This time I calmly walked out into the night. I'm not sure if creepy neighbor was still there. His existence no longer dictated my actions.
I'm done being embarassed. I'm done running away. I might not do it the way you want it. But you aren't the one living my life.
I am.
So it is extremely unusal for me to write two notes in one night (hell, sometimes I don't write two in one year.) These started out as my musings and flashes of brillance about everyday life that I wanted to share in my amusing mixture of snarky commentary and self-depracating humor. I'm not sure if this story is humorous. But it needs to be told.
I have struggled recently with a bad relationship. I know, surprise! Pam in an unhealthy relationship? With a man? Gasp! It is a long-standing joke in my family that much like Dillon in Charlie's Angels I have the uncanny ability to pick the bad guy. I somehow always fall head over heels for the one guy who is in the words of Jen Giddings "Bad News Bears." But this unhealthy relationship has grown unmanageable to the point were it is causing me to live in fear. I'm not sure where teasing becomes bullying becomes abuse. But the fact that I'm even musing about it tells me that it has gone too far.
This has a point. I promise.
As I sat in Cork today, enjoying St. Patty's Day with friends, Amanda began to frantically wave at me that we had to leave. Remember the creepy neighbor? Yeah, he was there. And asking about me. (If you don't know who he is it's a story for another time.) Faster then anyone expected a 299 lb woman to move, I signed my credit card, leaving in my wake several startled friends and co-workers, and tore through the door. Yet another embarassing awkward guy moment that I didn't want to face. As I drove away in my little Mini I berated myself the entire way. Because if I couldn't proudly and confidently navigate my way through that unwanted advance from creepy neighbor surrounded by loving friends, when would I be able to do it all?
And I forgot my cellphone. Balls.
I pulled a U-Turn on Flushing and speed back to downtown. I would not run again. I marched into Cork, head up and smile on my face. I embarrsingly explained the situation. The cellphone. The guy. They all made sympathetic noises and nodded their heads. Yes, they understood. We talked a while longer, new friends were met, and I eventually gave my regretful goodbye. This time I calmly walked out into the night. I'm not sure if creepy neighbor was still there. His existence no longer dictated my actions.
I'm done being embarassed. I'm done running away. I might not do it the way you want it. But you aren't the one living my life.
I am.
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