Mae West once said, "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it," a saying which has been my modus operandi for my entire life. Not today.
Today was a normal day. With it's normal ups and downs. And my normal bit of insomnia. This week it has been strangely 4:36 am. What it is about that magic time, I'll never know. But suddenly I am wide awake as if someone had thrown a cold bucket of water on my body. For the next two hours I struggle with questions, only falling asleep about 17 minutes before my alarm goes off.
I keep asking, when? When will I meet this deadline? When is my credit card bill due? When is my next paycheck? When will I see the girls next? When will the other shoe drop? When will I fall in love? When will I fall asleep content?
Failing answers at night, I struggle to sleep. Failing answers during the day, I find and stuff myself with chocolate.
Not today.
Given 4 separate occasions to fail hard, I didn't. Because instead of being the insidious voice in my head undermining my confidence, the when became at first a plea, then a demand and finally a war cry.
When?
Now.
